mungkin

7/31/2008 07:32:00 PM / / comments (6)

jika keinginan merupakan produk dari pikiran,
dan jika pikiran adalah cara saya memandang kehidupan selama ini,
mungkinkah ada sesuatu yang diluar pikiran ?
mungkinkah ada sesuatu yang diluar keinginan ?

jika "sesungguhnya Aku ini sangat dekat, lebih dekat daripada urat leher"
dan jika sesuatu itu tak terjangkau oleh pikiran,
mungkinkah sesuatu itu akan tersingkap, dengan heningnya keinginan ?

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cermin dialog

7/30/2008 01:13:00 AM / / comments (3)

Kemarin saya berkesempatan berdialog dengan seorang sahabat. Awalnya kami bertemu berkat sebuah forum martial art di dunia maya, dan berlanjut menjadi partner latihan selama beberapa bulan di jakarta. Sebut saja namanya manusia_es.

Obrolan kami kemarin cukup luas. Dari cerita saya tentang master gojukai, oil curse, dan topik kemalasan. Topik terakhirlah yang ingin saya
bagi disini.

Siapa yang tidak pernah merasakan malas ? Sayapun waktu kuliah pernah dijuluki "king of sleeping" oleh teman satu kosan, si centeng. Tidur, pada masa itu adalah salah satu eskapisme saya terhadap rasa malas dan bosan.

Akhir-akhir ini saya juga sedang melihat lebih dekat kepada rasa malas yang menjangkit. Ketika saya sadari lebih dalam lagi, ternyata rasa malas ini seperti puncak dari gunung es yang ada di laut. Yang terlihat diatas sungguh kecil, dibanding volume es sebenarnya yang ada dibawah permukaan laut.

Selama ini saya hanya berusaha "memotong" puncak gunung tersebut dengan banyak cara. Misal... mendengarkan musik, becanda dengan teman via sms, jalan-jalan, bermain gitar... Baru setelah rasa malas itu hilang, saya kembali mengerjakan project yg saya tunda.

Tapi menghilangkan puncak gunung es itu, saya rasakan hanya bersifat sementara. Lambat laun, akan tersembul puncak baru. Rasa malas kembali muncul. Dan saya mulai melakukan pengalihan2 seperti diatas. Mengkonsumsi obat sementara untuk penyakit yang tidak sembuh2.

Mungkin kasusnya berbeda untuk tiap orang. Mungkin "gunung es" yang ada dibawah permukaan air tidak sama antara saya dan anda. Atau mungkin juga anda merasa analogi saya kurang tepat :). Tapi jika diizinkan untuk berbagi, dibawah rasa malas saya (katakanlah untuk menyelesaikan "project X"), ternyata ada rasa takut jika keinginan saya tidak tercapai, padahal saya sudah berusaha keras. Dibawahnya ternyata ada rasa khawatir jika ternyata project X ini berhasil, saya akan terikat dengan project itu untuk beberapa tahun kedepan. Juga ada rasa tidak yakin, bahwa project X inilah yang saya ingin selesaikan (mengapa harus project X, project C sepertinya lebih menarik, atau project Y ?).

Lalu apa untungnya mengetahui apa yang ada dibawah rasa malas saya? Saya tidak tahu :). Ini adalah apa yang saya lihat dalam kesadaran saya saat ini. Mungkin juga nilai untung rugi tidak berlaku dalam mengenal diri. Yg ada hanya mengenali diri saya apa adanya.

Dan kemarin, dialog dengan manusia_es mengizinkan saya untuk bercermin dalam pertanyaan dan rangkaian emoticon yang terlontar diantara kami. Didalam cermin itu saya melihat. Bahwa dibawah rasa malas yang saya rasakan, ternyata ada sebuah keterikatan terhadap keinginan. Keterikatan terhadap keinginan itu membuatnya seolah-olah menjadi keharusan. Keharusan itu membebani saya dengan ketakutan, kekhawatiran, dan ketidak-yakinan.

Sedikit ilustrasi tentang keinginan dan keharusan. Misal saya lapar. Saya ingin makan di KFC. Karena saya terikat dengan keinginan saya untuk makan di KFC, maka saya rela menempuh jarak beberapa kilo meter, dan berpanas-panas ria naik motor. Dan ketika sampai disana ternyata KFC nya tutup. Saya jadi kecewa, jengkel, marah-marah sendiri.

Tapi jika menyadari bahwa kebutuhan saya adalah menghilangkan rasa lapar. Maka alih-alih makan di KFC, saya bisa puas makan di warung sebelah. Ketika saya menyadari bahwa makan di KFC adalah sebuah "keinginan" bukan "keharusan" maka jika ternyata tidak kesampaian makan di KFC, saya tidak akan marah-marah.

Inilah yang berlaku antara saya dan project X. Selama ini saya tidak menyadari bahwa itu adalah sekedar "keinginan" bukan "keharusan" ataupun "kebutuhan". Sehingga muncul perasaan2 yang identik dengan kesengsaraan seperti:
- takut gagal,
- tidak yakin apakah bisa mendapatkannya
- kecewa dan frustrasi jika keinginan itu tidak tercapai
- makan tak sedap, tidur tak nyenyak, menjomblo tak enak (padahal njomblo itu nikmat loh.....hehehe....hayah...OOT)
yang semua itu, mendasari kemalasan saya.

Lalu apakah mempunyai keinginan itu salah ? Saya rasa tidak ada salahnya dalam mempunyai keinginan, jika disadari. Karena keinginan yang tidak disadarilah yang akan membelenggu saya dengan "ilusi kebutuhan", "ilusi keharusan".

Mungkin inilah sekelumit dari cermin yang terpantul pada dialog antara saya dengan manusia_es kemarin.
Hmm...akankah anda mengizinkan saya bercermin pada comment yang anda tinggalkan ?

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lapangan

7/28/2008 06:23:00 PM / / comments (0)

terlalu banyak yang ingin saya lihat
terlalu banyak yang ingin saya dengar
terlalu banyak yang ingin saya rasakan

sehingga seringkali saya merubah apa yang saya dengar menjadi apa yang ingin saya dengar.
memproyeksikan apa yang ingin saya lihat pada apa yang saya lihat.
memaksakan nilai-nilai yang ingin saya rasakan pada apa yang saya rasakan.

batin saya ramai dari usaha menghindari perasaan/pengalaman/pendengaran/penglihatan yang tidak ingin saya alami.
mendengungkan ukuran-ukuran yang ingin saya capai.
menciptakan tujuan-tujuan.

apa yang dituju jika sedari semula tidak ada perjalanan ?
pantaskah disebut jalan, jika semua arah adalah jalan ?
ataukah itu lapangan ?
tempat dimana tak ada jalan yang bermula dan berakhir.
dan apakah pantas disebut pencerahan, jika sejak semula tiada yg membuat buram ?
tak ada yg didapat
disini, saat ini.

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Master Gojukai

7/27/2008 07:22:00 PM / / comments (0)

hari sabtu kemarin saya mendapatkan kesempatan bertemu secara pribadi dengan seorang master martial art di padepokan latihannya.
sebenarnya yang membawa saya kesana adalah sebuah informasi dari seorang atlet taekwondo yang baru pulang dari pertandingan di kalimantan.
atlet ini memberitahu saya tempat latihan taichi.
namun ternyata tempat yang saya datangi bukanlah tempat latihan taichi, tetapi dojo karate yang menggabungkan antara keras dan lemah - gojukai.
sehingga sepintas lalu, atlet taekwondo ini menyangka itu adalah latihan taichi.
disanalah saya bertemu dengan master ini selama hampir 4 jam.

saya sangat terkesan dengan beliau, dengan pengalamannya selama 22tahun di dunia karateka, orang ini sangatlah rendah hati.
secara fisik, orang tidak akan menyangka beliau ini adalah karateka penyandang Dan 4.
tinggi posturnya sekitar 160an, dengan berat badan 58kg.
kata-katanya lembut dan halus
namun ketika memperagakan "kata", matanya jadi garang.
murid yang dilatihnya adalah atlet2 PON yang sering memenangi kejuaraan nasional baik kata(jurus) maupun kumite(pertandingan)

saya baru tahu, ternyata di karate aliran ini, terdapat kemiripan2 dengan taichi.
antara lain, gerakan2 memutar untuk menetralkan serangan alih2 menerima keras dengan keras.
jika di taichi menggunakan metode pushing hand untuk mempelajari arah energi, aliran ini juga mempunyai sebuah teknik latihan yang mirip dengan itu.
pantas saja beberapa kali saya dikunci karena kemampuan "mendengar" saya kalah jauh dibanding beliau ini.
beliau juga memperagakan menetralkan dorongan dengan pernafasan.
teknik luar, dan juga internalnya sangat mantabs.

yang membuat saya makin segan dan agak malu, sesampainya di kos setelah pulang dari tempatnya, hape saya berbunyi. ternyata sms dari beliau:

"terima kasih atas kunjungannya ke dojo saya. Dan saya minta maaf bila tadinya ada peragaan teknik yang membuat sakit, krn diluar rencana adu kekuatan"

waduh, itu sih bukan adu kekuatan...tapi lebih kepada seorang master yg mengajari newbie yg baru belajar martial art...

hmm....how humble a master is...

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teman-teman lama

7/27/2008 07:21:00 PM / / comments (0)

sminggu ini saya cukup beruntung bisa bertemu teman2 lama
jika weekend sebelumnya ada faisal, jumat malam ada yanuar
dua2nya sudah menikah dan bekerja di perusahaan besar di bidang telco

ada perasaan yang unik jika bertemu teman2 lama
tanpa sadar pikiran akan kembali ke masa lalu
waktu saya dan teman saya berada di sebuah titik lampau

dan kami tertawa bersama ketika membandingkan hal itu dengan sekarang
siapa yang sangka 3,4,5 tahun yg lalu
kami masih menjadi mahasiswa culun, yang mengkhawatirkan nanti selepas lulus bakal kerja dimana?
mengkhawatirkan masa depan, terbukti menjadi hal yang tidak diperlukan

dan jika saya bisa mengingat masa lalu dan membandingkan dengan masa sekarang
serta menilai bahwa kekhawatiran "mau jadi apa" seringkali malah menjadi beban
bukankah itu juga bisa diterapkan dimasa sekarang ?
karena sekarangpun kekhawatiran itu tetap ada
dengan esensi yang sama seperti dahulu, tapi dengan teknis yang sudah sangat berbeda ?

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Back to The Battle For Facebook

7/23/2008 08:52:00 PM / / comments (0)

Mark Zuckerberg launched an online empire from his dorm room at Harvard. Now four fellow students say he stole their idea


CLAIRE HOFFMAN
Posted Jun 26, 2008 2:25 PM
from rollingstone magazine

It's a sunny afternoon in downtown Palo Alto, California, and inside the graffiti-covered walls of the Facebook headquarters, workmen are hanging lights and arranging tables for champagne glasses. Tomorrow night, there will be a party to celebrate Facebook's four-year anniversary. But in a nearby building — one of four sleek offices that the social-networking Website runs not far from the campus of Stanford University — the company's founder is oblivious to the preparations. Mark Zuckerberg, the head of the Facebook empire, sits inside the safety of a small, glass-walled office, hunched over a Styrofoam box of take-out. He looks more like a boy in a bubble than the CEO of a corporation that's worth as much as General Motors. Only 24 years old, Zuckerberg has a baby face, a long, long neck and big ears. Since he took Facebook live from his Harvard dorm as a sophomore four years ago, Zuckerberg has been crowned by Forbes as the world's youngest billionaire — a dentist's son worth an estimated $1.5 billion.

Zuckerberg made that fortune by creating Facebook — now the sixth-most-visited site in the world — as easy to use and as addictive as any drug. Every day, some 70 million users log on to gaze at their friends' profiles and post a wealth of information about themselves: phone numbers, personal preferences, romantic timetables. Zuckerberg and his staff work, often in all-night coding parties, to hock all that valuable consumer data to ravenous advertisers. With the number of users growing by at least 150,000 daily, it's no surprise that Zuckerberg has been called his generation's Bill Gates, another technological wunderkind and Harvard dropout who changed the culture and went on to amass great wealth and power. "If there's going to be another Bill Gates," says former Harvard president Lawrence Summers, "Mark is as close as anyone." And like Gates early in his career, Zuckerberg is facing serious allegations that his creation was based on ideas he stole from others.

In a lawsuit one judge describes as a "blood feud," three fellow Harvard students claim Zuckerberg fleeced their idea after they hired him to code a social-networking site they were creating. "We got royally screwed," Divya Narendra, one of the students, has testified. And in April, another classmate, Aaron Greenspan, filed a petition to cancel Facebook's trademark, claiming he invented an online facebook months before Zuckerberg. Greenspan, who has compiled reams of e-mails chronicling his months of communication with Zuckerberg, bristles at equating the Facebook prodigy with Microsoft's founder. "Gates was shrewd, calculating and insanely competitive, bordering on autistic," Greenspan writes in his self-published autobiography. "Mark was inarticulate and naive."

The legal challenges to Zuckerberg's empire paint a curious picture of the man who has put himself in charge of our social future. One of the world's most popular networking tool was launched by a brilliant but ostracized nerd sitting alone in a dorm room. From his days at Phillips Exeter Academy, where he was known as the prep school's top programming impresario, Zuckerberg has drawn on a powerful combination of isolation and entitlement to surpass his peers. He is a Nietzschean superdork for the digital age — a college student who gamed the system, propelled by a primal understanding of how to program computers to serve human needs. Whatever the outcome of the legal wrangling, the battle over the origins of Facebook prompts a fundamental question: Is Mark Zuckerberg's social-networking empire, like so many other great fortunes in history, founded on a crime?


Facebook may have been born under disputed circumstances, but there is one uncontested moment in its inception: a Tuesday night at Harvard, where a 19-year-old boy wonder from Dobbs Ferry, New York, sat in front of his computer, dejected, alone and on his way to being trashed. It was the fall of 2003, and the World Wide Web was just beginning its love affair with social networking. That month, Fortune wrote, "There may be a new kind of Internet emerging — one more about connecting people to people than people to Websites." Friendster.com had launched at the beginning of the year and would soon have millions of users and millions from investors.

In moments of need, two things had always pulled Mark Zuckerberg through: an obsessive love of technology and an almost ruthless competitive streak. (Among his personal interests, he once listed "defeating nemeses.") His relationship with computers dates back to the sixth grade, when he got his first machine and promptly bought a copy of the programming guide C++ for Dummies. By ninth grade, throwing himself into his Latin class, Zuckerberg had created a computerized version of the board game Risk, set in the Roman Empire. Zuckerberg was always dreaming up little tools to get things done quicker, "dorky things," as he would call them. In his senior year at Exeter, Zuckerberg and his roommate, Adam D'Angelo, wrote software for an MP3 player that was able to learn a user's listening habits and build a digital library based on previous selections. Several companies showed an interest in the application, including an AOL subsidiary, but D'Angelo and Zuckerberg had no intention of selling. They didn't care about money. They cared about code. "They were the most advanced computer-science students at the school," recalls Kristopher Tillery, a classmate who set up a site with Zuckerberg that allowed Exeter students to order snacks online.

When he wasn't programming computers, Zuckerberg was striving to be the best at everything: the math team, science Olympiad, band, Latin honors society, a summer course in Greek. In 2000 he was voted MVP at the New York regional competition of the U.S. Fencing Association. On his application to Harvard, he wrote that fencing had "proven to be the perfect medium" because "whether I am competing against a rival in a USFA tournament or just clashing foils, or sometimes sabers, with a friend, I rarely find myself doing anything more enjoyable than fencing a good bout." He graduated with academic honors from Exeter and entered Harvard in the fall of 2002, spilling over with ambition.

But at Harvard, Zuckerberg found himself surrounded by hundreds of other freshmen whose résumés were as burnished as his own. He was just another face in the crowd. By his sophomore year, he had retreated into the domain where he was most comfortable, building a Website called Coursematch.com that enabled students to register for courses online and see who else was signing up for the same classes. An early concession to voyeurism, the project came to an abrupt end: Zuckerberg was running it from his laptop, which soon crashed from the demand. But the experience taught him an important lesson: What happened online wasn't just about programming. It was about what made people tick. Despite his virtuoso ability at coding, Zuckerberg didn't choose to study computer science. Instead, he majored in psychology.

The courses didn't help him much with his personal life. Sitting alone in his dorm room that night in 2003, Zuckerberg had just been jilted by a girl. He started drinking and once again sought solace in the realm that never let him down. Logging on to his blog, he created an entry titled "Harvard Face Mash: The Process." His plan was as simple as it was vindictive: create a site called Facemash.com, hack into Harvard's directory, download photographs of his classmates and post them online next to photos of farm animals to rate who was more desirable.

He began like any other hurt schoolboy. "Jessica A— is a bitch," he wrote. "I need to think of something to take my mind off her. I need to think of something to occupy my mind. Easy enough, now I just need an idea."

An hour later: "I'm a little intoxicated, not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10 p.m. and it's a Tuesday night? What? The Kirkland [dorm] facebook is open on my desktop and some of these people have pretty horrendous facebook pics. I almost want to put some of these faces next to pictures of farm animals and have people vote on which is more attractive."

At 11:09 p.m., invention was in full swing: "Yea, it's on. I'm not exactly sure how the farm animals are going to fit into this whole thing (you can't really ever be sure with farm animals . . .), but I like the idea of comparing two people together."

Zuckerberg hacked into the night, breaking into the private user data of each of Harvard's residences and blogging proudly about his exploits every step of the way. The site was an instant hit. That first night, students across campus were e?mailing one another about Facemash. More than 450 signed up, logging 22,000 page views. Within hours, school officials tracked down Zuckerberg and shut off his Web access. Later, in a hearing before Harvard's administrators, he was accused of violating student privacy and downloading school property without permission.

The notoriety turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to Zuckerberg. After he escaped with a warning, he went back to his dorm, opened some champagne and celebrated with his roommates. His reputation on campus as a renegade programmer was cemented. Amid all the high-performing Harvard students, Zuckerberg finally had an identity. And he had also learned an invaluable lesson. "People," he summarized later in a deposition, "are more voyeuristic than what I would have thought."

Zuckerberg wasn't the only student at Harvard exploring the Web's potential for bringing people together. All over campus, students were thinking up ways to use this new tool to make online the personal connections that seemed to elude them in real life. "Networking is a time-honored practice at Harvard, going back to FDR," says Lawrence Summers. "It was waiting to happen. It was a wave of the next Internet thing and a group of very talented, social people. All innovators are great adapters to social need."

Ten months before Zuckerberg launched Facemash, a Harvard junior named Divya Narendra had come up with the idea of creating a social network aimed at college students. The son of a doctor, Narendra grew up in Bayside, New York. He had the face of a Bollywood matinee idol and a mind for mathematics: He got a near-perfect score on the SAT. Narendra was as ambitious as any Harvard kid but felt like he wasn't part of the social stream. "I — and my friends, who were in the same dorm — had the feeling that there were too many barriers and a lack of time for students at Harvard to do social networking," he would recall. It was nerdspeak for feeling left out.

Narendra went to two of his dormmates, identical twins Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss, and told them he had an idea for an online community for Harvard students, with access granted only to those with a college e-mail address. The twins instantly recognized the idea's potential. Unlike Narendra and Zuckerberg, they were popular jocks: tall, brawny, blond and chiseled, they rowed on Harvard's crew team and competed internationally. Their father, Howard Winklevoss, was a wealthy financial consultant who had nurtured their athletic abilities. After the twins had shown promise with a coach at the Saugatuck Rowing Club in Connecticut, Dad paid for a 15,000-square-foot nautical-themed boathouse and founded a company, RowAmerica, to support his sons.

Throughout 2003, Narendra and the twins worked on the site, hiring several fellow students to help them code it. But by that fall, the site still wasn't finished. Then, in November, the entrepreneurs, who'd heard about the rise and fall of Zuckerberg's Facemash, decided to contact the programming prodigy and catch some of his computing heat.

On the phone, Narendra told Zuckerberg the site — called the Harvard Connection — would have two sections: "dating" and "connecting." Students could post photos of themselves, enter personal information and search for links. Narendra and the twins wanted Zuckerberg to do about 10 hours of programming; in return, they claim they offered him a piece of the company. That month, Zuckerberg met with the partners, and he agreed to work on the site.

Zuckerberg later claimed that he had no faith in the ability of his partners to pull the project off. "My most socially inept friends at the school had a better idea of what would attract people to a Website than these guys," he scoffed in a deposition. But in his e-mails at the time, Zuckerberg was conciliatory to the partners. "I have most of the coding done," he assured them in November. "It seems like everything is working." Over the next two months, he kept making lame excuses for putting them off — "I forgot to bring my charger home with me for Thanksgiving" — but his tone was cheery, and he promised them that things shouldn't take much longer. Zuckerberg later admitted that he did only a little work on the site in December and none in January.

As the weeks dragged on, the Harvard Connection team started to get anxious. Every time they tried to meet with Zuckerberg, he postponed, blaming his busy schedule. Cameron Winklevoss pressured him to finish the job: "hey mark, drop me a line when you get a chance," he wrote on January 6th. Two days later, Zuckerberg replied with an apology: "I'm completely swamped with work this week. I have three programming projects and a final paper due by Monday." Finally, on January 14th, Zuckerberg met with the twins and Narendra. Despite his previous assurances that all the code for the site was nearly ready, he informed them that they should get another programmer. The Harvard Connection guys were stunned. What happened to all the work they'd been promised?

Zuckerberg has said under oath that he began writing the code for TheFacebook.com, his site's first incarnation, in January, presumably after his last meeting with the partners from Harvard Connection. It took him maybe a week or two, he claims, in between homework and finals. He was inspired, he said, by an editorial in The Harvard Crimson about his Facemash debacle. "It is clear that the technology needed to create a centralized Website is readily available," the paper observed. "The benefits are many."

No matter the timeline, Zuckerberg ultimately dumped his jock overseers and went into business for himself. "I basically took that article that [the Crimson] wrote and made a site with those exact privacy controls, and that was Facebook," he recalled.

But Zuckerberg's memory of the subject is hazy at best. "Really unsure of like when the moment was that it crystallized and I said I'm going to make Facebook," he said in testimony. And what Zuckerberg didn't tell the Harvard Connection guys is that he officially registered the original Facebook site with his Web provider on January 11th — three days before he gave them the brushoff. His lawyers have told the court that it was "on or about" then that he started coding Facebook.

According to Zuckerberg, he enlisted one of his closest friends, Eduardo Saverin, who shared his dorm suite, to think about how to incorporate the site. (A recent book proposal, for which Saverin is likely a primary source, suggests that the two friends hoped to use the site to get laid.) On January 12th, while he was still ostensibly working for Harvard Connection, Zuckerberg e-mailed Saverin and told him the Facebook site was almost complete and it was time to discuss marketing strategies. They each agreed to invest $1,000 in the site, with Zuckerberg owning two-thirds of the company.

Zuckerberg threw himself into programming his new site. In the weeks he spent writing Facebook, he couldn't be bothered to study for one of his courses, "Art in the Time of Augustus" — so he built a Website, posted all of the artwork from the class and then sent an e-mail offering it up as a communal study guide. Within a half-hour, classmates had assembled the perfect study guide. Zuckerberg passed the course.

Unencumbered by class work, Zuckerberg plowed ahead with his new project, isolating and exhausting himself. Facebook launched on February 4th, 2004. "If I hadn't launched it that day," he told the Crimson, "I was about to just can it and go on to the next thing."

The site immediately took off. After 4,000 people signed up in the first two weeks, Zuckerberg and Saverin realized they needed help, fast. They asked Zuckerberg's roommate Dustin Moskovitz to help, and he began to work with them, trying to launch the site at a few more colleges deemed worthy: Stanford, Columbia and Yale. Adam D'Angelo, Zuckerberg's high school inventing partner, also chipped in to help set up databases for the new schools. Around this time, the ownership percentages were renegotiated: 65 percent for Zuckerberg, 30 percent for Saverin and five percent for Moskovitz. Zuckerberg also pulled in Chris Hughes, another roommate, to act as their spokesman. On April 13th, the team filed letters of incorporation. Zuckerberg posted his job description on Facebook as "Founder, Master and Commander [and] Enemy of the State." The empire of the nerds had begun.

The Harvard Connection partners felt burned. "At first we were devastated and climbed into a bottle of Jack Daniels," the three said in a message on their site, "but eventually emerged with a bad headache and renewed optimism. We weren't going to lie down and get walked over." They fired off a letter to Zuckerberg, threatening to bring him before the school's board on ethical grounds. They appealed directly to President Summers, saying Zuckerberg had violated the school's honor code. In May, they launched their own site, with the new name ConnectU, but it went nowhere fast: Four years later, it boasts only 15,000 members at 200 schools.

Zuckerberg, they claimed, not only stole their idea, he intentionally delayed work on their site so he could launch his first. "He boasted about completing [Facebook] in a week, after leading us on for three months," Cameron Winklevoss told the Crimson. "We passed through Thanksgiving, winter break and intersession. He had ample time. He not only led us on, but he knew what he was doing." His brother Tyler, speaking to The Boston Globe after the partners filed a lawsuit against Zuckerberg, was even more direct. "It's sort of a land grab," he said. "You feel robbed. The kids down the hall are using it, and you're thinking, 'That's supposed to be us.' We're not there, because one greedy kid cut us out."

From the start, Zuckerberg vehemently denied the charges. That February, in a letter to Harvard administrators, he portrayed himself as a victim of his own kindness. After listing the pleasure he gained from helping others, including a couple of girls from the Association of Black Harvard Women, he let loose on his former employers at Harvard Connection. "What I don't enjoy, however, is people like these three guys telling me I 'have' to do things for them and then threatening me when I don't do them," Zuckerberg wrote. "Frankly, I'm kind of appalled that they're threatening me after the work I've done for them free of charge." He presented himself as the aggrieved party: "I try to shrug it off as a minor annoyance that whenever I do something successful, every capitalist out there wants a piece of the action."

The idea of a social-networking site, he told the Crimson, was in the air at Harvard. "There aren't very many new ideas floating around," he said. "The facebook isn't even a very novel idea. It's taken from all these others. And ours was that we're going to do it on the level of schools."

The guys from Harvard Connection, it turns out, weren't the only ones who felt that Zuckerberg had stolen their idea. Back in September 2003 — a month before Zuckerberg had posted his Facemash site — a skinny and serious Harvard junior named Aaron Greenspan had launched a networking portal for Harvard students. The site was a new version of a project he had created as a member of the Technology and Entrepreneurship Center, a student organization with a $3 million endowment. That earlier effort — which allowed students to post addresses and other personal information — had been a disaster. The Crimson slammed it as a possible invasion of privacy, and Greenspan received a warning from Harvard. After retooling the site, he relaunched it with a section called TheFacebook. Very few students signed up.

Then Greenspan heard that another student had hacked the university's data and used it to create a hot-or-not site. He e?mailed Zuckerberg at the end of October and invited him to join the Student Entrepreneurship Council. Zuckerberg responded warmly that he would check out the next meeting.

Deep in the night of January 6th, a week before he dumped his Harvard Connection overseers, Zuckerberg e?mailed Greenspan for advice on a "top-secret project" he was working on. "I was thinking of making a Web app that would use the Harvard course catalog, but I'm a little worried about the university getting upset after the whole Facemash episode," he wrote. "I know you used info from the catalog . . . (which is awesome, by the way), so I was wondering if you had to get permission to use that material and if so, whom you contacted."

Greenspan responded quickly. He asked if Zuckerberg would like to integrate Greenspan's earlier "Facebook" project into the new mystery program Zuckerberg was working on. No dice. "It's probably best to keep them separated at least for now," Zuckerberg replied. "That said, once it's off the ground, I think it could be mutually beneficial to integrate the two, but we can speak about that then."

Later in January, Zuckerberg sat down with Greenspan in the dining hall. They compared notes, and Zuckerberg asked Greenspan if he would help with his top-secret project. Greenspan declined.

"The way he talked, the way he dressed, everything about him screamed immature," Greenspan recalls. "He seemed unprofessional. I had run a company since I was 15. It just didn't seem like he got it. That whole persona just didn't impress me." Although he was congratulatory at the time, Greenspan now says he was put off by Zuckerberg's original venture, Facemash. "You can spend time writing software for good or evil, and that was pretty close to evil," Greenspan said. "It wasn't that he inflicted harm because he enjoyed it — it was because he didn't care. Which I thought was almost worse."

After Zuckerberg launched Facebook, he continued to seek Greenspan's advice. While most of their exchanges were about the nuts and bolts of the site operation, Zuckerberg occasionally revealed ambitions that were far beyond the scale of his classmates'. His new social network, he wrote, would do more than "get people signed up" and "get people psyched." His goal was to create something new, something that touched a deeper need. "I kind of want to be the new MTV," he declared.

But Zuckerberg had no interest in giving Greenspan any credit for creating Facebook, let alone a piece of the action. In December of 2004, when Greenspan decided to "admit defeat" and ask Zuckerberg for a job at the rapidly expanding company, all those months of advice proved worthless. "We're looking for someone with more engineering experience — like, 10 to 15 years," Zuckerberg told him. The guy who first created an online facebook for Harvard couldn't even get a job at Facebook.

Wherever the idea for Facebook came from, it was Zuckerberg's version that went viral throughout college campuses that spring. By the time the term ended on May 28th, he had nearly 200,000 users at some 30 schools nationwide. College students, it seemed, were eager to use Zuckerberg's invention obsessively, to share their most personal details online and stalk each other virtually, diving into Facebook with unbridled enthusiasm. "Harvard was around for a few centuries before young Mark came along, with students doing what they did," says Jeff Jarvis, director of the interactive journalism program at the City University of New York. "He just helped them do it better: party, get laid, study, network."

Facebook immediately set itself apart from other social-networking sites by creating a high bar of entry — users had to have an e-mail address from its roster of elite schools. This ensured that users registered as themselves, instead of as the anonymous identities that proliferated on MySpace and Friendster. Its stripped-down design and user-friendly interface also added to its cachet. It is not superior programming that sets Facebook apart, but what Zuckerberg likes to call "elegant organization": the site's ability to organize social desires, to create a clean, virtual reflection of real-life relationships.

"It was better than its predecessors," says Jarvis. "Friendster was a game; MySpace was a tacky home page. Facebook was the best to come along."

But Zuckerberg's burgeoning success online did little to stop him from burning those closest to him in real life. After school ended, he packed a bag and took a plane to California. In his eyes, Silicon Valley was "sort of a mythical place for a startup." Taking a leave of absence from Harvard, like Bill Gates before him, Zuckerberg moved to Palo Alto in the summer of 2004. His goal was to take his extraordinarily popular Website to the next level. He and Saverin each agreed to invest another $20,000 in the operation. While Zuckerberg was in California, Saverin stayed behind in New York. That decision would prove ill-advised.

Zuckerberg, Moskovitz, two interns and a few other guys rented a house on La Jennifer Way, a quiet cul-de-sac a few miles from Palo Alto's main drag. It was a modest place in a quiet neighborhood of idyllic bungalows and dusty minivans. Not that Zuckerberg saw much of his surroundings. Asked later to describe that period, he summed up his days succinctly: "Woke up, walked from my bedroom to the living room and programmed."

Stephen Haggerty, who had just finished his freshman year at Harvard, applied for an internship with Facebook that summer. "To call Facebook a company at that point was generous," says Haggerty, now a Ph.D. student at Berkeley. Most of the time, he recalls, everyone in the house would wake up late and stay up late, programming from noon until 5 a.m. "Did we do anything besides sit in front of our computers?" Haggerty says. "Mark had a girlfriend, but after a while she wasn't around. We invited some people to our parties through Facebook."

The roommates shopped at Costco and went to Home Depot, where they bought whiteboards to map code. One day, on a spontaneous urge, they spent $100 on a zip line, which they strung from the chimney of their house to a telephone pole, allowing them to plunge into the swimming pool below. They drank beer and listened to bands like Green Day and Infected Mushroom on the computer speakers. But things never got out of hand — mainly because Zuckerberg was more intent on fostering other people's social lives than developing his own.

"We were all Harvard kids, so we weren't like party kids," says Haggerty. "Mark is a big nerd. He spent a lot of time in front of his computer." When he wasn't programming, Zuckerberg watched epics like Gladiator and quoted frequently from one of his favorite movies, The Wedding Crashers. His parents sent him his fencing foils, and he spent a day happily thrusting them at his friends, like some crazed Jedi knight, until they banned swordplay in the house.

If there was any fun in the house, it was because of Sean Parker, a co-founder of Napster. A few months earlier, Parker had been visiting his girlfriend at Stanford when he noticed that she and all her friends were using a new site called Facebook. Parker says that he sensed the potential and arranged to meet Zuckerberg and Saverin in New York at a stylish Chinese restaurant. Saverin brought his girlfriend, and the four sat for a few hours while Parker regaled them with stories of raising big money in California.

Less than a month later, Parker was at his girlfriend's house in Palo Alto, unloading a car, when he saw some young guys walking toward him and recognized Zuckerberg. The Facebook crowd, it turned out, was living only two blocks away. It seemed like destiny. Parker, who had co-founded Napster at the age of 20, was exactly the kind of hot young entrepreneur that Zuckerberg aspired to become. Parker was soon living with the Facebook team and introducing Zuckerberg to investors in Silicon Valley.

Even then, moving among the world's biggest venture capitalists, Zuckerberg asserted his identity. "Mark showed up in his pajamas to meet with Sequoia Capital," Parker recalls. "He was trying to make a statement." Part of that statement was that Zuckerberg didn't plan on surrendering his identity. He wore his signature Adidas shower shoes and T?shirts everywhere. Parker was proud of him for turning down offers to sell Facebook: "The last thing I wanted was for the company to be taken away from him."

Parker didn't need to worry — Zuckerberg wasn't going to let that happen. In July, Zuckerberg and Saverin had a mysterious falling out. Zuckerberg has filed a lawsuit, claiming Saverin jeopardized the company by freezing Facebook's bank accounts. Saverin countersued, claiming that Zuckerberg never matched his $20,000 in seed money and, further, used that money for personal expenses. That summer, Zuckerberg transferred all intellectual-property rights and membership interests to a new version of the company in Delaware. The value of Saverin's stock was unhinged from any further growth of Facebook, and Saverin was expunged as an employee.

Not long after the incident, Cameron Winklevoss ran into Saverin in a bar in New York. Saverin, Winklevoss said in a deposition, apologized to him.

"Sorry that he screwed you," Saverin allegedly said. "Mark screwed me, too."

The lesson to those around Zuckerberg was clear: Nobody, not even the college roommate who had once been his closest confidant, was going to stand in his way. "It seemed like in all his dealings, it was a big deal to him that he be the CEO when he got the first round of financing, and that he maintain control of the company," says Haggerty. "He knows where he wants to go: Facebook everywhere."

By December 2004, Facebook was well on its way to everywhere. Only 10 months after its launch, the site had 1 million users. Back at Harvard, Lawrence Summers told entering freshmen that he had gotten to know them through their profiles on Facebook. The student who had once been threatened with expulsion for posting pirated photos of fellow students had succeeded in altering Harvard's entire culture.

At the start of 2005, Zuckerberg appointed Sean Parker president of Facebook, hoping to bank on his friend's Silicon Valley connections. But once again, things fell apart between Zuckerberg and a friend. That October, after Parker was arrested at a party, he abruptly resigned. Although Parker was never charged and denies possessing any narcotics, Zuckerberg told a courtroom Parker was busted for cocaine possession and was lousy at running a business. "He freaked people out," Zuckerberg testified. Even the co-founder of Napster wasn't good enough for the upstart kid from Harvard.

Despite the management shake-ups, users still flocked to the site. In the spring of 2005, real money started flowing into Facebook: A venture-capital firm invested $12.7 million in the site. Facebook also opened itself up to high school students; within months, it was rewarded with 5.5 million users. But Zuckerberg, now one of the wealthiest twentysomethings in the world, continued to play the part of the college kid. He carried two business cards: a plain one with just his name and another that read "I'm CEO...Bitch." He insisted to anyone who would listen that he wasn't in it for the money. "I'm in this to build something cool," he told Fortune, "not to get bought."

But that didn't stop Zuckerberg from pursuing his vision of Facebook as a one-stop social utility with global domination of the marketplace. Last November, he presented advertisers with a new program called Beacon that would enable large retailers to access a shopper's Facebook page. Suddenly, a purchase of budget furniture on Overstock.com would show up as part of a user's Facebook identity. For the first time, Zuckerberg told those assembled, advertising would become an integral part of social interaction online. His goal, he told them, was simple: to start a revolution.

"Once every hundred years, media changes," Zuckerberg said. "The last hundred years have been defined by the mass media. In the next hundred years, information won't be just pushed out to people: It will be shared among the millions of connections people have." Tapping those connections, he added, was the key to advertising's future. "Nothing influences people more than a recommendation from a trusted friend. A trusted referral influences people more than the best broadcast message. A trusted referral is the Holy Grail of advertising."

Beacon's glory was fleeting, however. Users revolted, protesting the invasion of privacy, and Zuckerberg apologized. Still, his bold plans persuaded Microsoft to invest $240 million in Facebook, valuing the company at $15 billion — a staggering figure, considering that the site's total revenues last year were only $150 million. "On the surface, it seems insane," says Charlene Li, a technology analyst who has co-authored a book on social networking. "Why would Microsoft pay so much for such a small piece of a company? But whether it was $1 billion or $15 billion, it doesn't matter. By making it $15 billion, it assures that no one would come near it. The only one who could now buy it is Microsoft."

But as more and more money has poured into Facebook, more and more of Zuckerberg's inner circle have left. His Harvard roommate Chris Hughes went to work for Barack Obama. His roommate from Exeter, Adam D'Angelo, left in May. Rumors swirl that Dustin Moskovitz is fed up. Eduardo Saverin has sued the company for forcing him out.

It is easy for Zuckerberg to cast Saverin, Harvard Connection, Greenspan and all the others he's left in the dust as con artists trying to get a piece of the action. Facebook has countersued, accusing Harvard Connection of unfair business practices. "Facebook was built through the ingenuity and hard work of its founding team," the company declared last year. "We continue to disagree with the allegations that Mark Zuckerberg stole any ideas or code to build Facebook."

But the fight has grown increasingly ugly. Harvard Connection's lawyers accuse Facebook of playing a "shell game" with the hard drives, of hiding the code used to create Facebook. When the drives finally resurfaced, key data from Zuckerberg's Harvard days had mysteriously gone missing. "It is fishy indeed, if not impossible, that the Harvard Connection code, the prelaunch TheFacebook.com code and the Facemash code supposedly do not exist," attorneys for the plaintiffs said in a court filing. While Facebook has morphed into the world's sixth-most-visited site, ConnectU ranks 377,920th. Divya Narendra works for an investment firm in New York. The Winklevoss twins continue to row, training for the Olympics. On his Facebook page, Tyler Winklevoss has written that he is about to settle the lawsuit against Zuckerberg, but he has yet to do so. The epic and never-ending nature of all the legal wrangling seems to suggest that, at least for those who feel screwed over by Zuckerberg, the battle over Facebook is ultimately about more than money. On the site, Winklevoss describes himself with a quote from Shakespeare's Richard II. "Mine honor is my life, both grow in one," it reads. "Take honor from me, and my life is done."

In the end, it's difficult to assess whether Zuckerberg's creation of Facebook constitutes a crime. Sometimes, great ideas seem to be everywhere at once. Newton and Leibniz independently developed the fundamentals of calculus, creating controversy at the turn of the 18th century; Darwin and Wallace rolled out the theory of evolution in separate papers in 1858. In October 2003, when Mark Zuckerberg sat down in his dorm at Harvard, drunk and alone, the idea of using the Web to connect people seemed as pervasive as iPods on the campus quad. The school already had an online database known as the facebook. All Zuckerberg did was make it interactive. The fact that a couple of other students had the same idea at the same moment doesn't mean he is a thief. And the fact that many consider Zuckerberg a grade-A asshole doesn't mean he did anything illegal. "There are lots of things that an average person might consider reprehensible that aren't against the law," says James Boyle, who co-founded the Center for the Study of the Public Domain at Duke Law School. "I'd warn against assuming that the 'Ew, what a slimeball' reflex be equated with what is illegal."

Zuckerberg likes to present himself as an altruistic, harmless computer geek who invented a widget that will make the world a better place. "I'm just like a little kid," he told the Crimson. "I get bored easily and computers excite me. Those are the two driving factors here." But unlike most nerds, Zuckerberg possesses gifts beyond the narrow realm of programming, the monomaniacal processing of ones and zeroes. Even his fiercest critics concede that he is more Donald Trump than slacker dork, someone with an almost ruthless taste for battle — and a sharklike ability to keep moving forward, whatever the obstacles. Like Trump, Zuckerberg has left a string of broken relationships in his wake — a track record that raises questions about his ability to manage the company he founded. It's one thing to stumble across the Next Big Thing one night in your dorm room. It's another thing to build it into a new kind of empire, one with the potential to dwarf even the Wal-Marts of the world: an online monopoly of virtual communities.

"He's young — and I'm nervous about that," says Kara Swisher, a columnist who writes about Silicon Valley for The Wall Street Journal. "How many people has he burned, and he's only 24? Even if he's not culpable, the number of people he's had problems with at a young age is remarkable — and not in a good way."

[From Issue 1055 — June 26, 2008]

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weekend kemarin

7/23/2008 06:24:00 PM / / comments (0)

weekend kemaren seru!
deri nikah
faisal dateng
cekikikan kami bertiga
ketawa2 inget2 masa2 kuliah dulu
deri dogol, pake acara bintitan segala sebelum nikah
faisal makin tambun ajah, gara2 gaji tsel ama diurus istri
habis akad nikah deri, kami nginep di rumahnya di villa neuheun
cuman kami bertiga soale yg lain pada nginep di rumah tantenya deri di mibo
jadi secara teknis, malam pertama deri gag sama istrinya. tp sama faisal dan akuh gelakguling

minggu paginya naik2 bukit neuheun ama faisal

senen pagi ngepot pake motor ngejar pesawatnya faisal...

oiyaaa... mereka juga memberikan nasehat2 untukkuh
yang blom nikah sendiri agar cepat nikah
banyak euy...
tp maaf krn memory blom diupgrade...
jadi banyak yang lupa
lagiaaaan...ak kan masih kecil... masak udah harus nikaaaah malu

thx guys!

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mendunxs

7/18/2008 10:54:00 PM / / comments (0)

aceh seminggu ini mendung terus...
kadang hujan.. kadang brenti
cuacanya ngingetin sama bandung
cuman bedanya disini anginnya lebih kenceng ajah

pernah suatu malem,
ak ngimpi ada mak lampir ama wiro sableng lagi perang
dua-duanya pake pedang
suara pedang mereka berkesiuran..
wussshh...wuhhssss..
sangking cepetnya jadi
wussshh...wushh..wush..wuwwwsssshh...wuwhssssh
wussshh...wushh..wush..wuwwwsssshh...wuwhssssh
wussshh...wushh..wush..wuwwwsssshh...wuwhssssh
kebangun, lah kok suaranya masih ada...
ngelongok ke jendela apakah ada mak lampir ama wiro sableng ?
jebul suara pohon2 yg ditiup angin...
kencang liii.....

anyway...
tadi ada tmnku sms
nawarin low di XL, permanen, posisi IT di jkt
pikir2 beberapa saat...
sempet dengerin nasihat temen2 yg lebih tua disini
en rata2 isinya kata2 seperti: "mapan", "masa depan","settle" ,"bonafide"

not for me. not this time. maybe :-|
umpan lambung ke temen2 aja deh
siapa yang berminat ? ^_^

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di dalam cara saya memandang

7/16/2008 08:01:00 PM / / comments (0)

melihat sesuatu dengan apa adanya, berbeda dengan melihat hanya yang ingin saya lihat.

saya bertemu dengan seorang teman lama
dan dia membanggakan kehidupannya sekarang
kemudian menganggap orang lain tidak "selevel" dengan kehidupannya
saya sebel, marah, sakit hati karena merasa direndahkan

kenyataannya, saya melihat dia tidak sebagaimana adanya dia saat ini
saya ingin melihat dia seperti dahulu
teman saya yang "dulu"
saya mengingat semua keluguan dia, pengalaman saya dan dia
dan ketika berjumpa dengannya saya "ingin" melihat dia berdasarkan image masa lalu

jika saya melihat dia apa adanya saat ini, apakah ada rasa sebal di hati saya ?
jika saya melihat dia saat ini hanya sebagai sebuah fase perjalanan menuju kedewasaan, munculkah rasa sakit hati karena merasa direndahkan ?

mungkin juga saya pernah seperti itu,
ketika mengalami eforia sewaktu menemukan dunia yang beda
mungkin juga saat itu saya tidak sadar ingin membedakan hidup saya dengan orang lain.
dan saya berubah, semua orang berubah dan berproses.
timbulnya perasaan tidak enak yang saya alami adalah karena saya terikat dengan sebuah titik dalam proses.
titik yang saya beri label "baik".

masalah "sebal", "sakit hati", "merasa direndahkan" bukan ada di sana, di luar, di teman-teman yang saya temui.
tapi ada didalam cara saya memandang, mendengar, menginterpretasi.
terlepas dengan dalam fase apapun yang dia jalani saat ini, saya akan memandangnya sebagaimana dia saat ini saja.

*thx to teman pelaut, teman penerbang, teman aktivis, untuk menjadi kaca-kaca yg memantulkan terang*

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Where’s My Fate ????? (2)

7/15/2008 03:53:00 AM / / comments (1)

Ketika Nabi Ibrahim menempatkan Ismail, putranya yang masih bayi dan istrinya Siti Hajar di suatu lembah yang dikanal dengan sebutan Bakka.
Siti Hajar bertanya,”Allahu amaraka bihaadza (Apakah ini perintah Allah)???”
Ibrahim menjawab, “Ya”
Mendengar jawaban tersebut, Siti Hajar berkata,
“Kalau begitu aku merasa tenang, karena aku yakin Allah tidak akan meninggalkanku!”

Tidak lama setelah Nabi Ibrahim meninggalkannya,
Siti Hajar melihat Ismail menangis kehausan
Hajar kemudian berikhtiar mencari sumber air
Ia berlari menuju ke bukit Shafa
Karena terlihat seperti ada genangan air
Setelah di dekatinya, ternyata genangan tersebut hanyalah Fatamorgana
Hajar menoleh ke belakang, ia melihat lagi seperti ada genangan air di bukit seberang
Setelah mendekat, ternyata tetap tidak ditemukan apa pun
Tetap hanyalah Fatamorgana

Hajar tidak putus asa, ia bolak balik antara bukit Shafa dan Marwah
Sampai-sampai ia merasakan kelelahan yang luar biasa
Akhirnya, ia kembali menghampiri putranya yang terus menerus menangis
Dan……, Subhanallah….,
Ternyata tak lama kemudian setelah ia berikhtiar
Dari dekat kaki putranya yang sedang meronta kehausan
Keluar mata air yang jernih
Sampai sekarang, air it uterus mengalir (yang dikenal dengan sebutan sumur Zamzam)

Peristiwa ini mengajarkan pada kita
Bahwa Keyakinan akan pertolongan Allah, doa serta Ikhtiar
Adalah tiga hal yang tak terpisahkan
Dalam setiap keadaan apapun, sesulit apapun itu
Tanamkanlah prasangka BAIK kepada Allah
“Be POSITIF Thinking”
Karena Allah lah satu-satunya sumber pengharapan dan tempat bergantung kita

Yakinilah, Allah telah menyiapkan MISTERI yang Terindah
Dengan keyakinan itu, tindak lanjutilah dengan DOA
Doa yang tulus tiada henti
Dibarengi dengan ikhtiar yang tiada lelah
Akan menghasilkan TAKDIR yang terindah

“….. Berusahalah kamu, maka Allah dan Rasul-Nya serta orang-orang beriman akan melihat usahamu….”(QS. At Taubah 9:105)
“….., Sesungguhnya Allah tidak merubah keadaan suatu kaum sehingga merubah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri……”(QS Ar Ra’du 13:11)
Kalau sudah Berikhtiar dan Berdoa, namun ternyata belum membuahkan hasil seperti yang kita harapkan
Yakinlah bahwa dibalik semua kegagalan dan penundaan ini
Ada sebuah MISTERI yang terindah yang tengah dipersiapkan untuk kita
Boleh jadi kita membenci sesuatu, namun dibalik itu ada Hikmah Kebaikan
Sebaliknya, Boleh jadi kita menyukai sesuatu, namun di balik itu ada Keburukan
Karenanya, kita harus selalu Berprasangka BAIK pada Allah, bahwa Allah hanya akan memberikan yang TERBAIK untuk kita
“Allah sesuai dengan prasangka hambaNYA!!!”
“Teruslah BERMIMPI….., Carilah TAKDIR kita ????!!!!!

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wHERE'S mY Fate ??? (1)

7/15/2008 02:27:00 AM / / comments (0)

Pasti itu pertanyaan yang kadang terlontar dalam benak kita
Seperti aku yang selalu mempertanyakannya????!!!!

"Hidup adalah perjuangan dan penuh usaha kerja keras (IKHTIAR)"
Boleh dibilang sekeras tekad Siti Hajar yang tak pudar
oleh sengatan matahari di padang pasir yang membakar dan tandus
Dan tak pernah kenal menyerah
Ibunda Ismail itu pun bergerak, terus berjalan menyisiri padang pasir
Berlari terus dengan penuh semangat mencari TAKDIR yang masih tersembunyi
Anatar bukit Shafa dengan bukit Marwah, dicarinya air sumber kehidupan
Pelepas dahaga untuk ananda - sang TerKasih

Namun ternyata.....,
Hidup bukanlah hanya perjuangan dan kerja keras semata
Ia juga adalah TAKDIR
yaitu sebuah Kenyataan yang terkadang harus diterima dan dijalani dengan penuh ketegaran (Qanaah)
Setegar Ismail yang merelakan pengorbanan dirinya
demi ketaatan kepada Sang Pencipta Langit dan Bumi
Begitulah manusia HIDUP diantara TAKDIR dan IKHTIAR
Yang nantinya berujung pada QANAAH

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Dapatkah kebahagiaan diperoleh melalui sesuatu ?

7/13/2008 03:57:00 AM / / comments (0)

Kita mencari kebahagiaan melalui benda-benda, melalui hubungan, melalui pikiran, gagasan-gagasan. Jadi benda-benda, hubungan dan gagasan-gagasan itu menjadi mahapenting, bukan kebahagiaan. Bila kita mencari kebahagiaan melalui sesuatu, maka sesuatu itu menjadi lebih bernilai daripada kebahagiaan itu sendiri. Bila dirumuskan seperti ini, masalahnya terdengar sederhana, dan memang sederhana. Kita mencari kebahagiaan di dalam harta benda, di dalam keluarga, di dalam ketenaran; maka harta benda, keluarga, gagasan menjadi mahapenting, oleh karena dengan begitu kebahagiaan dicari melalui suatu cara, lalu cara itu menghancurkan tujuan. Dapatkah kebahagiaan ditemukan melalui cara apa pun, melalui apa pun yang dibuat oleh tangan atau oleh pikiran? Benda, hubungan dan gagasan jelas sekali tidak kekal, kita terus-menerus dibuat tidak bahagia olehnya. ... Benda-benda tidak kekal, mereka aus dan lenyap; hubungan merupakan pergesekan terus-menerus dan kematian menunggu; gagasan dan kepercayaan tidak mempunyai kemantapan atau keabadian. Kita mencari kebahagiaan di dalam hal-hal itu, namun tidak menyadari ketidakkekalannya. Maka kesedihan menjadi teman kita terus-menerus, dan mengatasinya menjadi masalah kita.

Untuk menemukan makna sejati dari kebahagiaan, kita harus menjelajahi sungai pengetahuan-diri. Pengetahuan-diri bukan tujuannya sendiri. Adakah sumber dari sebuah sungai? Setiap tetes air dari awal sampai akhir membentuk sungai itu. Membayangkan bahwa kita akan menemukan kebahagiaan pada sumbernya adalah keliru. Ia akan ditemukan ketika Anda berada di dalam sungai pengetahuan-diri.

[J Krishnamurti - THE BOOK OF LIFE]

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kesengsaraan dalam apa yang tidak/belum bisa saya capai

7/13/2008 02:57:00 AM / / comments (5)

sayangku cintaku, katakan padaku...
apakah yang kau sedihkan ?
pujaanku o jantung hatiku, ceritakan semua...
tentang mana kau tumpahkan air mata darah ?

agar kemudian bisa kutunjukkan, bahwa
sekalipun kau tak kehilangannya,
toh setelahnya kau tetap akan menemui penderitaan

lalu juga kuterangkan padamu, bahwa sekalipun engkau bisa meraihnya...
hatimu akan tertawa sejenak... lalu masalah kembali datang.. dan kau pun kembali memeluk derita...

sehingga sayangku, tak perlu air mata itu
juga tak guna susah hatimu
jika yang kau inginkan kebahagiaan sejati
kau akan mendapatkan pula kesedihan sejati

tak perlu...
tak perlu...
karena tiada apapun dalam gerak kesadaran yang kosong..

jika semua deritamu diringkas,
maka tersadari semua
pun jika semua tawamu dirangkum,
juga tersadari semua

jika telah tersadari semua
peranmu sadar tercipta
tanpa campur tangan keinginan pilihanmu
l e b u r . . d a l a m . .g e r a k . . s e m e s t a

=============================================================

kali ini saya ingin membagi pengalaman saya berkaitan dengan kesedihan/kekecewaan terhadap hal2 yang tidak/belum bisa saya miliki.

sesuatu yang ingin saya miliki pastilah ada sebabnya. jika digeneralisasikan, maka sesuatu yang saya inginkan itu (saya kira) akan membawa kebahagiaan dalam hidup saya. jadi ketika saya menginginkan sesuatu, hati saya menderita krn keinginan itu belum tercapai. jika keinginan saya tidak tercapai, hati saya menderita juga krn kekecewaan. Dan yang kemudian saya sadari adalah, jika saya mendapatkan apa yang saya inginkan, maka hati saya bahagia. tapi kebahagiaan itu hanya sesaat dinikmati. Kemudian timbul kebosanan, kebiasaan, lalu keinginan2 baru menyerbu.

misal, dulu waktu kuliah saya mikir, kalau punya gaji besar pasti senang. lulus kuliah gaji saya berlipat2 daripada kiriman bulanan(sbnrnya bukan krn gaji yg besar, tp krn kiriman bulanan yg kecil ^_^). Sehingga saya merasa senang. Lewat beberapa saat, bosan, gaji saya semakin terasa biasa. Lalu saya berandai2 kalau gaji saya lebih besar lagi pasti senang. Saya bekerja keras, berpindah2 tempat kerja, melalui berbagai ketidaknyamanan untuk mendapatkan gaji yang menurut ukuran saya "besar". dan kemudian ukuran "besar" ini makin lama makin membesar.

Pola perasaan yang saya alami: menderita krn belum tercapai, jika tidak bisa tercapai:kecewa, jika bisa tercapai:senang sesaat, bosan/sembuh dari kekecewaan, keinginan baru muncul, menderita krn belum tercapai dst...dst...

yang kemudian saya tanyakan pada diri saya sendiri adalah
jika yang saya cari adalah kebahagiaan
dan jika saya mengaitkan kebahagiaan dengan target saya
maka jika saya mencapai target saya
apakah saya mendapatkan kebahagiaan ?

jawabannya adalah: iya
tapi apakah kebahagiaan itu berlangsung selamanya ?
jawabannya adalah: tidak

kalau mencermati pola saya diatas
saya lebih banyak merasakan penderitaan daripada kebahagiaan
menderita waktu mengejar keinginan > waktu menikmati kebahagiaan sebelum bosan atau terjangkit keinginan baru
(formula ini belum ditambah waktu menderita krn frustrasi kegagalan dalam mencoba)

sehingga yang kemudian saya katakan pada diri saya adalah
kalau saya begitu menginginkan sesuatu
dan kemudian tidak tercapai
maka saya tidak perlu menangisi/menderita begitu dalam
kenapa ?
karena kalaupun saya kemudian mendapatkannya (dan mengikuti pola diatas)
maka setelah itu hati saya juga akan menderita akan keinginan baru
mendapatkan sesuatu bukan jaminan kebahagiaan selama-lamanya

loh, terus gimana dong ?
apa saya tidak boleh mendapatkan apapun ?
apa saya tidak boleh berusaha untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik ?
tidak boleh mendapatkan untung banyak ?
gaji besar ?
istri cantik ?
rumah mewah ?
mobil impor ?
apartemen di singapur ?
dst..dst...

bukan...
saya tidak menyalahkan pencapaiannya
saya hanya menyadari bahwa penderitaan seringkali muncul padahal tidak diperlukan
menyadari diri saya sendiri yang seringkali melekatkan "kesedihan" & "kekecewaan" ketika saya tidak/belum bisa mendapatkan apa yang saya inginkan.

Labels:

MTA

7/11/2008 06:08:00 AM / / comments (0)

.............
haryo: ngundang bu Siti Fadilah Supari
haryo: Munarman
haryo: bedah buku
haryo: sayang Munarman kemudian dipenjara sengihnampakgigi
haryo: padahal jadwalnya muter di jogja 4 tempat
haryo: bu menkes itu lugu tenan orangnya, tapi berani ihikhik
Riang Mentari: hoya...piye ?
haryo: tahu kan bukunya?
haryo: tahu kisahnya?
Riang Mentari: wora sengihnampakgigi
haryo: adus
haryo: kapan2 deh ceritanya
haryo: merajuk
Riang Mentari: :))
haryo: kowe ngopo wae to wan
Riang Mentari: gelakguling
haryo: kalo liat kamu mikirin diri sendiri juga ga banget
Riang Mentari: gelakguling
haryo: buktinya kamu tetep kurus, pendek dan jomblo
Riang Mentari: makasih malu
haryo: tapi kalo dibilang mikirin umat juga ...
Riang Mentari: gelakguling
Riang Mentari: gelakguling
haryo: kok katro' banget ga ngerti perkembangan isu
haryo: trus kamu tu mikirin apa aja selama ini :))
..............
wakakakakakakkkkk..... =))
mas haryo...mau tauuuuu ajaaaaah =))
pikirannya orang katrok yo terlalu simple utk bisa dipahami sampeyan to mas =))


*cuman lg belajar nge-paste ke-ketinggalan-jaman-an ^_^v*

Labels:

"harus"

7/10/2008 06:46:00 PM / / comments (0)

mengapa saya harus sukses ? mengapa saya harus kaya dan bahagia ?
mengapa "harus" ?
dan hati saya menangis
ketika masa depan tak pernah tergapai
juga hati saya kembali menangis
ketika pencapaian menjadi milik, dan kemudian ada masa depan yang kembali "harus" digapai

hati saya menangis
karena "harus" telah memisahkan saya dengan saat ini
"harus" membuat saya tidak puas dengan apa yang ada
membebani saya, memberikan kekecewaan dan ketakutan, dari kegagalan yang mungkin dan belum terjadi

bukan salah yang mengatakan "harus"
bukan salah yang menerima "harus"
memang ini sebagaimana adanya agar saya tiada

Labels:

bocah pemalang aja letoy !

7/10/2008 12:36:00 AM / / comments (2)

Kanggo bocah2 Pemalang sing maca blog kiye, tak domongi keh...
nyong nembe entuk imel nang milis
jebul sing dadi GM Unit Enterprise kuwe wong Pemalang
dadi yak, aja sok minder...
kiye kanggo conto, men dhewek luwih semangat kanggo kerja, usaha, sinau de el el
pokoke dong kiyeng usaha...mesti bise lah!
semangat yak... kabeh!


Selamat bergabung di milis smansa Mr. Azis Sidqi (angkatan 91)

Posisi terakhir Mr Azis Sidqi adalah General Manager PT Telkom, Unit
Enterprise.
Mr Azis termasuk yang cepat melejit karirnya. Di usianya yang relatif
muda 35 tahun, sudah dipercaya sebagai GM di bagian Unit Enterprise PT
Telkom.

Azis diterima di alumni smansa dan STTTelkom angk 91, sewaktu di SMA
aktif di pramuka dan sepakbola. Lebaran kemaren rujakan di Rumah.
Monggo Om Azis bergabung di Forum Alumni Smansa.

Moderator,
Yogi Hartono'91

Labels:

Proudly untitled

7/09/2008 10:27:00 PM / / comments (1)


Bismillahirahmanirahim, Assalamualaikum!!...*none jakarte mode on* hehehe. PRJ udah kelar. FKY juga udah. PKB, Pesta Kesenian Bali tinggal 4 hari lagi. di Bali lagi musim angin sekarang, ditambah musim panas itu berarti hari hari festival. pesta. warna warni celupan tangan manusia bercinta dalam pelukan warna warni Nya. hum, bukan, bukan itu. sebenarnya aku rindu. hanya itu :)

dari satu sudut bisu disebuah tikungan waktu, Bali 2008. i still wanna stay under Puffy....

Labels:

tentang nikah

7/09/2008 08:55:00 PM / / comments (4)

MistyyyyyGirl: beruntunglah yang sudah menemukan pasangan hidup
Riang Mentari: hehe... emang yg belum menemukan belum beruntung
MistyyyyyGirl: g juga sih
MistyyyyyGirl: tapi paling tidak
MistyyyyyGirl: lebih beruntung
MistyyyyyGirl: soalnya aku merasa susah banget mencari orang yang cocok

Riang Mentari: :D
Riang Mentari: mmm.... saya kurang sependapat... bersediakah meluangkan waktu mendengar pendapat saya... ?
Riang Mentari: *formil amit* :D

MistyyyyyGirl: boleh-boleh
MistyyyyyGirl: silahkan...
MistyyyyyGirl: monggo..

Riang Mentari: ehem..ehem...
Riang Mentari: yang saya rasakan hidup ini tidak linear
Riang Mentari: linearitas hidup adalah pandangan yang timbul dari ilusi pengendalian
Riang Mentari: dalam komunitas / tempat dimana kita tinggal
Riang Mentari: seringkali
Riang Mentari: menggunakan apa yang umum sebagai suatu keharusan
Riang Mentari: umur segini kuliah
Riang Mentari: umur segini lulus
Riang Mentari: umur segini kerja
Riang Mentari: umur segini nikah
Riang Mentari: jika ada orang yang tepat mengikuti kontrol tersebut
Riang Mentari: maka disebut orang yang beruntung

Riang Mentari: tapi....
Riang Mentari: apakah menjamin orang yang dapet pacar duluan, nikah duluan ?
Riang Mentari: apakah menjamin yang nikah duluan bakal bahagia sampai akhir ?
Riang Mentari: apakah betul yang dapet kerja duluan bakalan jadi orang yg paling kaya ?
Riang Mentari: semuanya belum pasti...
Riang Mentari: yang artinya.... terlalu banyak porsi untuk "mengontrol masa depan"
Riang Mentari: inilah sumber dari ketidak bahagiaan saat ini
Riang Mentari: inilah sumber iri
Riang Mentari: sumber perasaan tidak puas pada hidup sendiri
Riang Mentari: padahal masing2 kita unik
Riang Mentari: pengalaman saya dan kamu amat sangat berbeda
Riang Mentari: apalagi hidup saya dan kamu
Riang Mentari: pembandingan tidak membawa saya kemana2 selain kesengsaraan
Riang Mentari: yang artinya...

Riang Mentari: fajar pasti akan tiba...tidak mungkin tidak
Riang Mentari: kalau saat ini (bagi saya) masih malam hari
Riang Mentari: mengapa saya tidak menikmati simfoni serangga malam dan memandangi kerlip bintang2 disana ?
Riang Mentari: *dowo temen... *

MistyyyyyGirl: waduh..
MistyyyyyGirl: dalem
MistyyyyyGirl: hehehe
MistyyyyyGirl: tapi aku setuju kok mas

MistyyyyyGirl: sama kayak gini
MistyyyyyGirl: menurut pandangan umum di masyarakat kita
MistyyyyyGirl: ketika si cewek mulai menginjak umur 25 dan belum ada tanda2 bakal menikah ( entah karena alasan apa)
MistyyyyyGirl: orangtua sudah mulai cemas
MistyyyyyGirl: walaupun si cewek nyante2 aja
MistyyyyyGirl: hehehe
MistyyyyyGirl: curhat nih ceritanya

Riang Mentari: ichu becul... :p

Riang Mentari: Lihatlah pohon ini, aku tak bisa membuatnya berbunga saat aku inginkan, tidak juga bisa membuatnya berbuah sebelum saatnya...

master oogward - kungfu panda

Riang Mentari: td mlm iseng ngetik quote ini, ternyata hari ini ada yg butuh :p

MistyyyyyGirl: iya..iya.. pas banget
MistyyyyyGirl: cuma.. hatiku jadi terganjal
MistyyyyyGirl: tidak bisa menikmati hidup
MistyyyyyGirl: gara2 ortu ( terutama nyokap ) udah mulai cerewet
MistyyyyyGirl: lha mau gimana lagi
MistyyyyyGirl: yang disukai ternyata g suka
MistyyyyyGirl: yang suka tidak disukai

Riang Mentari: haha iya... mbak sepupuku jg ada...
Riang Mentari: umur sudah 32
Riang Mentari: trus dijodoh2in sama budhe ku
Riang Mentari: dibilangin
Riang Mentari: kurang apa lagi...
Riang Mentari: calon yg ini tuh gini..gini...
Riang Mentari: mbak ku nggak sreg
Riang Mentari: minta pendapatku
Riang Mentari: ak bilang...
Riang Mentari: iya mbak... budhe klo ngawinin mau
Riang Mentari: tp ntar klo berantem / ada apa2 mau tanggung jawab ga ?
Riang Mentari: :D

MistyyyyyGirl: iya.. itulah
MistyyyyyGirl: kan namanya suka g bisa dipaksain
MistyyyyyGirl: cuma jadi merasa bersalah sama ortu
MistyyyyyGirl: karena bikin mereka cemas
MistyyyyyGirl: hihihihi

Riang Mentari: sama seperti rasa cemas yang bisa menular,
Riang Mentari: rasa tenang jg bisa menular
Riang Mentari: jadi.... dari dalem diri saya dulu
Riang Mentari: yang harus ditenangin
Riang Mentari: biar bisa nular ke orang tua

Riang Mentari: kalo diri saya blm bisa tenang
Riang Mentari: saya bakal ketularan cemasnya lingkungan saya

MistyyyyyGirl: wah.. itu yang susah
MistyyyyyGirl: lebih seringnya kita yang terpengaruh lingkungan
MistyyyyyGirl: kalau boleh aku tahu
MistyyyyyGirl: sebenarnya apa yang mas cari dalam hidup ?
Riang Mentari: :D tak jawab dengan pertanyaan lagi ya….
Riang Mentari: kenapa harus mencari ?

*di edit seperlunya, dan nama MistyyyyyGirl bukan hanya nama yang disamarkan, tapi juga nick name yg disamarkan ^_^*

======================================================

saya beberapa kali menemui orang yang baik, dalam sifat maupun agama. tetapi dia mengalami kegagalan dalam pernikahan, alias bercerai dengan istri/suami pertamanya. mengapa ? apakah ada yang salah ? apakah dia nikah duluan dibanding teman2nya ? apakah ketika nikah tidak saling cinta ? atau itu mmg keadaan yang tidak dia inginkan ? suatu bagian kecil dari sebuah grand design kehidupan ?

apakah jadi juara bertahun-tahun dalam piala eropa menjamin bisa mengambil gelar juara di tahun 2008 ?

kalo pernyataan orang saham, prestasi portofolio seorang fund manager bukan jaminan sukses masa depan.

memperbesar kemungkinan = iya
menjamin = belum tentu
dan yang perlu digaris bawahi = kemungkinan bukan kenyataan
kemungkinan ada dimasa depan
sementara kenyataan...ada disaat ini

semua pertanyaan diatas (yang bisa diperpanjang kemana2) bisa dirangkum menjadi...
"apakah pencapaian sesuatu hal(menurut standar pribadi atau sosial), menjamin kebahagiaan ?"
"apakah tidak mencapai sesuatu hal, menjamin kesengsaraan ?"
"apakah kebahagiaan dan kesengsaraan berkaitan dengan mendapatkan/tidak mendapatkan apa yang saya inginkan ?"

dan kemudian, saya teringat dengan sebuah cerita sufistik dari nasruddin hoja.
Suatu hari seorang tetangga melihat nasrudin mencari2 sesuatu di halaman rumahnya. Setelah cukup lama memperhatikan dia pun bertanya:
tetangga: sedang mencari apa ?
nasrudin: saya sedang mencari jarum yang terjatuh.
tetangga: kok dari tadi gak ketemu2. memang jatuhnya di sebelah mana ?
nasrudin: jatuhnya di dalam rumah.
tetangga: loh, kalau jarumnya jatuh di dalam rumah, kenapa mencarinya di halaman ?
nasrudin: karena di dalam rumah gelap, di halaman terang.

jika ingin menyadarkan orang lain, diri sendiri harus sadar terlebih dahulu. menyadarkan orang lain tanpa menyadarkan diri sendiri sama seperti mencari jarum ditempat yang salah. Hanya karena diluar "terang" lebih gampang terlihat. Tp yg perlu disadari ada di dalam, bukan di luar. Merasa bersalah krna bikin cemas ortu, tidak bisa diselesaikan dengan menyuruh ortu untuk tidak cerewet. Tp menyelesaikan konflik didalam diri dulu.

saya tidak anti pernikahan, apalagi anti pernikahan dini
juga tidak menganjurkan untuk hidup selibat
saya hanya sedang menyadari diri saya saat ini

*mohon maaf jika kurang berkenan, cuman lg belajar nulis :p *

Labels:

Label only shows 21 posts

7/09/2008 07:07:00 PM / / comments (0)

I got labels that contain 180 posts. but when I clicked it, it only shows 21 posts. I didnt know how to found the rest posts. it supposed to be a "newer post" or "older post" links below my page right ? but i couldnt found it.

then I switch to default blogger template,
and i found that the links "newer posts" and "older posts" is available
so i go to html setting and ctrl+f the word "newer"
found this code:

#blog-pager-newer-link {
float: $startSide;
}

#blog-pager-older-link {
float: $endSide;
}

#blog-pager {
text-align: center;
}



track back the variable and found:

Variable name="startSide" description="Side where text starts in blog language"type="automatic" default="left" value="left"
Variable name="endSide" description="Side where text ends in blog language"type="automatic" default="right" value="right"

apply those code in my new templates, and voilla..
now when i click my label that contain 180 posts, it will shows 21 posts and the "older posts" button. I think i can live with it ^_^

thank you so much Searchfunds, davidchin38, and Rat from blogger help group. Eventhough ur reply didnt solve my problems, its giving me direction where i should heading to.

may God give y'all strength to keep blogging. nice 2 meet u guys!

ps: much thx to kranthi from www.bloggertricks.com that made this template available ^_^

Labels:

the anger inside

7/08/2008 06:26:00 PM / / comments (2)

hari ini seseorang membuat saya marah, dan saya mengeluarkan kemarahan itu kepadanya. Saya jarang menunjukkan kemarahan saya, dan lebih memilih diam. Tapi tadi saya memilih untuk meladeni perdebatan dengannya dengan penuh emosi.

Perdebatan itu saya menangkan, tapi tubuh saya masih bergetar dengan kemarahan. Rupanya inilah rasa yang terpendam dan terakumulasi. Selama ini saya lebih sering memendam ketidak enakan, segan, sakit hati. Dan oleh sebab itu, saya tahu tindakan saya hari ini berlebihan.

Kemudian pikiran saya mencoba menetralkan, memikirkan alasan2 yang membenarkan kemarahan saya, dan juga alasan dia. Terlintas dalam pikiran saya "ngapain km marah kyk gitu? ga usah diladenin aja, anggep aja anak kecil" Dan saya tergoda mengikuti kata-kata itu. Saya juga tergoda untuk menenangkan diri saya dari kemarahan yang terlanjur saya lepaskan dengan mendengarkan lagu, atau chat dengan kawan2.

Tetapi kenapa harus menganggap "anak kecil" ? harus menganggap "orang ga waras" ? atau label2 tidak nyata yang diberikan kepada orang yang mengesalkan ? Mengapa tidak memandang mereka sebagaimana adanya dan menerima kemarahan yang saya rasakan sebagai hal yang manusiawi ? Hari ini saya merasakan kemarahan saya, getaran di tubuh saya. Dan saya menerima diri saya, juga orang itu.

Labels:

tapakkaki tong sampah kita :p

7/08/2008 04:35:00 AM / / comments (3)

yoss, akhirnya selesai ngelabelin postingan temen2 semua

jadi klo temen2 pengen ngumpulin tulisannya, tinggal klik aja di link contributors di samping kiri ini

disitu jg keliatan udah berapa banyak postingan temen2

pas ak tadi ngelabelin, jadi sekilas baca2 postingan yg lama2
ternyata banyak banget cerita dan memory yang tersimpan di blog ini
wah...seneng jg nginget perasaan pada suatu waktu

mmg, tadinya tapakkaki buat tempat curhat ato tong sampah sementara bagi temen2 yg belum punya blog sendiri. syukur2 bisa bikin tulisan yg keren2 kyk mbak puffy, pak tua dengan novelnya, centeng aliep dan juga temen2 yg laen yg pernah jadi kontributor disini

ga masalah nulis dimana aja, yang penting mah produktiphhh...

ok bro/sis... sekian dan out!

Labels:

replacing batik version

7/07/2008 10:15:00 PM / / comments (0)

Disela2 kesibukan sebagai cowok panggilan, saya berhasil menyempatkan diri untuk merubah tampilan blog ini. Mudah2an dengan ngeliatnya temen2 jadi tambah betah posting dan cerita2 disini.

Sebelumnya sempat bingung dalam memilih gambar untuk top background. Lihat-lihat koleksi foto, ditampilkanlah salah satu gambar di sabang. Ini gambar di pantai iboih, salah satu pantai yang indah tempat snorkelling waktu ak ke sabang.

ini gambar tampilan versi batik yg sebelumnya



Labels:

salah satu ilusi pikiran

7/07/2008 01:10:00 AM / / comments (2)

Jika saya menutup mata dan mendengar suara motor, yang terlintas dalam pikiran saya adalah bayangan sepeda motor. mungkin gambarnya berupa bebek, atau motor sport, juga pengendaranya yang memakai helm.

Jika saya bertemu seseorang yang baru pertama saya lihat. Saya menilai gaya rambutnya, lalu didalam pikiran menebak2 sifat yang sesuai dengan gaya rambut pilihannya. Saya membentuk bayangan mental dari apa yang dipakainya, mungkin seorang bersahaja, mungkin orang kaya. Dari raut wajahnya, mungkin orangnya menyenangkan, atau sombong, atau tidak percaya diri.

"bayangan motor" dan "bayangan sifat seseorang" adalah sesuatu yang "tidak ada" sebelumnya. Saya menerima sesuatu dari indera (telinga,mata) dan lalu melabelinya menjadi gambar motor/sifat orang itu. Dari yang tidak ada muncul menjadi ada karena pikiran melengkapinya.

Apakah betul suara motor itu adalah motor bebek ? Apakah betul pengendaranya perempuan ? Apakah betul tidak ada orang yang dibonceng ? Apakah betul warna helmnya hitam ?. Pertanyaan yang bisa dirangkum dengan: "Apakah gambaran motor di pikiran saya sesuai dengan kenyataan ?". Bisa ya, bisa tidak. Tapi pikiran saya bisa melengkapinya sesuai dengan gambaran mental yang diinginkan.

Dari gaya rambut seseorang saya kemudian menebak sifatnya sebagai orang yg konservatif, atau mungkin funky/gaul. Tapi apakah itu "konservatif" ? Apakah itu "gaul" ? Apakah label itu sempurna membungkus sifat dari orang yang saya nilai dari rambut, pakaian, raut mukanya ?

Yang ingin saya sampaikan pada diri saya sendiri adalah: Apa yang diterima oleh indera kemudian dikirim ke otak, diolah dan dilengkapi oleh pikiran menjadi "label". Dan "label" seringkali menghalangi saya melihat "esensi". Apa yang ada begitu saja.

Lebih lanjut kerja pikiran adalah "mengadakan sesuatu yang tidak ada" maka itu saya memberi label (sesuatu yang tadinya tidak ada). Tidak cukup dengan melabeli, pikiran saya juga membentuk bayangan2 yang melengkapinya. Lahirlah prejudis. Sehingga ketika pertama kali bertemu seseorang saya bisa langsung tidak suka tanpa alasan yang jelas, tanpa mengetahui bahwa label pikiran telah bekerja dengan baik. Juga ketika saya telah menganggap seseorang "menyebalkan" maka tindakan apapun yang dilakukannya akan membuat diri saya sebal. Saya terus menerus melengkapi bayangan yang tidak ada ini.

Dalam usahanya mengadakan apa yang tidak ada. Saya selalu mencari apa yang tidak saya miliki dan tidak menghargai apa yang sudah saya miliki. Ini juga berlaku sewaktu saya telah kehilangan apa yang saya miliki: saya baru merasa bahwa yang saya miliki berharga. Karena pikiran saya kembali bekerja, mengusahakan apa yang sudah tidak ada (yg pernah saya miliki sebelumnya) agar menjadi ada kembali: perasaan kehilangan.

Jadi hidup saya berkutat pada "selalu mencari apa yang tidak saya miliki", yang berakibat selalu merasa tidak puas, tidak lengkap, ada yang kurang. Juga berkutat pada "baru tahu berharganya yang saya miliki jika saya telah kehilangan". Karena apa yang saya miliki bersifat fana/selalu ada akhirnya, maka hal ini membuat saya merasa kehilangan, berkubang dalam kejayaan masa lalu, terikat pada pencapaian. Jadi mengingatkan saya pada judul film Warkop DKI "Maju kena mundur kena" :)

Apa kemudian yang saya lakukan ? Menyadari ilusi yang dibuat oleh pikiran. Ilusi untuk selalu mengadakan apa yang tidak ada. Menyadari dan kemudian melihat apa yang ada.

Sebenarnya tulisan ini diinspirasi dari meditasi tadi malam(pikiran selalu mengadakan apa yang tidak ada) dan juga pengalaman setelah meditasi pagi ini. Tadi pagi saya membuka jendela kamar dan memandang kebun belakang rumah. Saya melihat rerimbunan alang2 diam, pohon2 diam, bukit2 di latar belakang diam, awan2 diam. Dan saya juga melihat burung bergerak melintas, tupai naik turun pohon kelapa. Mendengar suara motor di jalan depan, mesin pam mendenging. Apa yang diam terlihat diam, dan apa yang bergerak terlihat bergerak.

*cuman lagi belajar nulis ^_^V*

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Cape....,

7/06/2008 01:50:00 AM / / comments (0)

Gempor banget gw !!!!!

T_T.....,
Hiks..., pengin istirahat bentar

Gw ngerasa dalam seminggu, hari itu kurang banget ....,
Bisa ditambahin gak ya ???(Gelo' , seenak jidat lo nambahin hari!!!)

Ya, gak mungkin lah Hun......,

Mo gak mo lo harus ngelarin Jobdesk lo
Mo deadline di depan mata kek....,
Pokoknya harus lo tumpahin kreativitas lo !!!!
Mereka gak mau tau....,
Pokoknya Blue print event, harus di meja Akang Mar Kom minggu ini

Oh GOD....,
Besok Senin lagi !!!!......,

Whueksss.....,
I get "Monday Morning Sick Blues "

But....,
This My Life, Now.....,
to Get My Fate ^_^ !!!!!

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pilot dan pramugari

7/04/2008 06:54:00 PM / / comments (2)

dari kemaren postingannya serius2 mulu... skali2 posting yg lucuw2 ah...:p
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Sebuah pesawat terbang mengalami kecelakaan di udara
dan jatuh di sebuah padang pasir.

Semua penumpang meninggal.
Yang masih hidup hanya sang pilot.
Selama berhari-hari ia berkelana menyusuri padang pasir
mencari jalan ke kota terdekat.

Jika hanya menahan lapar dan haus, si pilot sih no
problem tapi untuk napsu yang satu itu dia sudah nggak
tahan.

Sampai pada suatu hari dia melihat seekor unta. Setelah
diamati lebih dekat ternyata unta tersebut unta betina.

Tanpa menungu lebih lama lagi si pilot segera menubruk
unta tersebut untuk melampiaskan napsunya.

Sayang, si unta rupanya tidak bernapsu. Beberapa kali
ditubruk, si unta berhasil mengelak.

Akhirnya si pilot kelelahan sendiri.

Tak berapa lama kemudian sebuah pesawat lain jatuh.

Sang pilot segera berlari untuk memberi pertolongan.

Ternyata yang masih hidup tinggal seorang pramugari
yang lumayan sexy. Si pramugari kemudain dirawat sampai
sembuh.

Setelah pulih kekuatannya sang pramugari berkata:

Pramugari: Terima kasih banyak Pak.Bapak telah
menyelamatkan hidup saya. Sebagai ucapan terima kasih
maka saya bersedia melakukan apa saja buat bapak.

Pilot : Apa saja ? (si pilot sudah tidak kuat lagi menahan
napsu)

Pramugari: Apa saja yang bapak inginkan.

Pilot : (makin napsu aja dia)
OK,
kalau begitu tolong pegangin unta itu. Aku masih penasaran sama dia.


*pilot giley...*

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menyelam dalam memahami sukacita

7/04/2008 03:52:00 AM / / comments (2)


Sedikit sekali dari kita yang bisa menikmati sesuatu. Kita sedikit sekali bersukacita melihat matahari terbenam, atau bulan purnama, atau seorang yang cantik, atau pohon yang indah, atau seekor burung yang terbang tinggi, atau suatu tarian.

Kita tidak sungguh-sungguh menikmati apa pun. Kita memandangnya, kita terhibur atau bergairah secara dangkal terhadapnya, kita mengalami suatu perasaan yang kita namakan sukacita. Tetapi penikmatan adalah sesuatu yang jauh lebih dalam, yang perlu dipahami dan diselami. ...Sementara kita bertambah tua, sekalipun kita ingin menikmati berbagai hal, yang terbaik telah hilang dari kita; kita ingin menikmati perasaan-perasaan lain—gairah, nafsu, kekuasaan, kedudukan. Semua itu adalah hal-hal yang normal dalam kehidupan, sekalipun dangkal; itu tidak perlu disalahkan, tidak perlu dibenarkan, melainkan dipahami dan diberi tempat yang wajar. Jika Anda menyalahkannya sebagai hal yang tak berguna, sebagai sensasional, bodoh, dan tidak spiritual, Anda menghancurkan seluruh proses kehidupan. ....

Untuk mengetahui sukacita, kita harus menyelam jauh lebih dalam. Sukacita bukan sekadar perasaan. Ia menuntut penghalusan batin yang luar biasa, tetapi bukan penghalusan diri yang terus-menerus menimbun bagi dirinya. Diri seperti itu, orang seperti itu, tidak pernah dapat memahami keadaan sukacita yang di situ dia yang menikmati tidak ada. Kita perlu memahami hal yang luar biasa ini; kalau tidak, hidup menjadi sangat kerdil, remeh, dangkal—lahir, belajar sedikit, menderita, punya anak, memiliki tanggung jawab, mencari nafkah, menikmati hiburan intelektual sedikit, lalu mati.

[J Krishnamurti - THE BOOK OF LIFE]

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lahir -> belajar sedikit -> menderita -> punya anak -> memiliki tanggung jawab...
ini adalah pola yang saya sadari akhir2 ini
saya terutama tidak melihatnya sebagai pola hidup semua orang
tapi pola hidup saya, seorang riang_mentari
saya hidup di masa depan
saya bersedia menderita saat ini untuk kebahagiaan di masa depan
saya "prihatin" untuk kesuksesan di masa depan
"mainnya nanti, kan kalau kuliah sudah jauh dari orang tua"
"seneng2nya nanti, kalau sudah kerja"
"sudah kerja, sudah saatnya mikir tanggung jawab..."

itu adalah kehidupan yang diajarkan kepada saya

bukan saya mengatakan bahwa hidup prihatin itu tidak baik
bahwa berhemat untuk sesuatu yg berada dimasa depan itu itu jelek
bahwa memilih belajar daripada pergi bersama teman-teman itu salah

terutama bahwa apa yang "saya rasakan" pada sebuah "pilihan"
bahwa saya terlalu banyak memberi porsi untuk masa depan

saya melupakan saat ini, apa yang saya miliki saat ini
apa yang bisa saya syukuri saat ini
apa yang bisa saya rayakan saat ini

masa depan ilusi, jika saya tidak memberikan yang terbaik untuk saat ini
memberikan yang terbaik saat ini dimulai dengan rasa syukur
rasa syukur diawali dengan menyadari apa yang ada

saat ini saya berhenti sejenak
untuk merasakan sekeliling saya
sinar senja yang merasuk dari jendela samping
musik mengalun dari ruangan kantor sebelah
gurat2 meja
dengung suara komputer

seperti sebuah kalimat yg menyapa saya kemarin,
tidak ada lagi penari-penari, yang ada hanyalah tarian...
semesta...

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